Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
