Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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