Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
