you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
