Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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