2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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