It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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