i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
