I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
