I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
