Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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