She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
