I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
