Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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