Can i not drive my cunt home
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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