How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
