i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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