Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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