So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
