So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
