Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
