his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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