If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
