Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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