I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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