Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
