it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
