Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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