I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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