dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
