Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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