Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
