The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
