Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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