A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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