My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
