turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize