ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
