He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Randomize