By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
