Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
