Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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