You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
