his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
