someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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