my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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