There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
