I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
