He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
