I want to have your abortion
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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