This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
