In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
