why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
