I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
