dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize