does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
