I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
