It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Boobs speak an international language.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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