I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
