I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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