I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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