I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
