I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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