3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
