I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
