no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
