Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
