You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
