Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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