I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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