yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
