those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Who did Billy Mays play for?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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