You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
