All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
