whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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