Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
