wrigley field is MILF paradise
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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