Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
