I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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